Two Gentlemen of Lebowski

mrgan:

Adam Bertocci imagines my generation’s defining movie, The Big Lebowski, as written by Shakespeare:

WALTER
Indeed, a rug of value; an estimable rug, an honour’d rug; O unhappy rug, that should live to cover such days!

DONALD
Of what dost thou speak, that tied the room together, Knave? Take pains, for I would well hear of that which tied the room together.

WALTER
Didst thou attend the Knave’s tragic history, Sir Donald?

DONALD
Nay, good Sir Walter, I was a-bowling.

WALTER
Thou attend’st not; and so thou hast no frame of reference. Thou art as a child, wandering and strutting amidst the groundlings as a play is in session, heeding not the poor players, their exits and their entrances, and, wanting to know the subject of the story, asking which is the lover and which the tyrant.

You could nitpick certain phrasings, but overall, holy crap – he did the entire script.

This is awesome.