Tag: chat
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On Marketing Meetings
Marketing girl: We’re having a little difficulty [inventing the wheel]. Ford: What do you mean, difficulty? It’s the single simplest machine in the entire Universe! Marketing girl: Alright, Mr. Wiseguy. If you’re so clever, you tell us what colour it should be.
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Animated Superpowers 2
Question: If you could have any supernatural power… what would you choose? Amir: What I basically want is that for things to effect me in a way than they oppositely should. Okay, that doesn’t make sense. But, what I mean is… If I eat french fries, I will become healthier. The less I shower, the…
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Yesterday
Jay: Today was a good day. Wilhelm: Sir, am I correct in assuming that by stating you had a good day, you did not have to resort to using your Kalashnikov 47? Jay: You are correct, sir. Wilhelm: Then good day to you, sir! #monocle #tophat #dirigible #brandy #cigar
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David Byrne interviews himself for a Talking Heads’ film concert by Jonathan Demme.
Interviewer (David Byrne, dressed as various people): We only have a few minutes, so try to be brief. Okay? DB: I will do absolutely anything you say. Interviewer: Right. Why did you call the movie Stop Making Sense? DB: Because it’s good advice. Because music and performing does not make sense. Interviewer: Amazing. DB: It…
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(To celebrate Google’s recent announcement that YouTube will automatically transcribe videos, I have transcribed Ricky Van Veen’s speech from one of my favorite College Humor videos, “Scooch”)
Ricky: Guys, the bathroom here is a privilege. If you’re gunna do Number Two, just do Number One. If you’re going into the bathroom and you’re going to do a Number Two, just do a Number One! It’s simple! It’s math! I can’t make this any clearer. Every time you do a Number Two it…
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A conversation I have every month or so
Dan Wineman: Me: (tries to visit a local restaurant’s website via iPhone)Restaurant website: I require Flash. Fuck off.Me: I just want to know how late you’re open.Website: Nope.Me: But I’m on my phone. Don’t you have a little “HTML Version” link up in the corner or something?Website: I’m ignoring you.Me: What if I’m on my…
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Engineers at Home
Jonathan ‘Wolf’ Rentzsch: JWR: I noticed I dial in 6 0 into the microwave instead of 1 0 0 to reduce the number of buttons I need to press by one stroke. VW: I’m even lazier: I dial in 6 6. JWR: Ah, of course! That reduces button seek-time latency.
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Willy Wonka: Because he broke the rules. Grandpa Joe: What rules?! We didn’t see any rules, did we, Charlie?! Willy Wonka: Wrong, sir!! Wrong!! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if – and you can read it for yourself in…
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Mom: So hello Mom: I watched a very funny episode of the simpsons yesterday Mom: Gil was staying with the simpsons because he was out of work Mom: And homer was in his robe talking to gil and gil siad hey homer do you mind closing up that robe i’m seeing the how butchers market…